My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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