That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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