I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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