i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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