Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
