NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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