I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
