i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
