I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did I show you my penis last night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
