So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
