I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
