the condom got lost in my hair
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Houston, we have a squirter
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
