After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
