He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize