you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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