it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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