You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
