Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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