I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize