Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
