I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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