So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
