After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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