I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
