i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
