apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
