This girl is more easily done than said...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
