My balls are so social today.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
