my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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