ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
