yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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