I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
