You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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