as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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