the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
