so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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