in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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