My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
