A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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