just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
