you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
