I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
