I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
