Screwed.edu
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
