make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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