out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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