i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
