I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
