Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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