Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
