yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
