So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
