Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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