Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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