guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
