This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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