how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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