u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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