Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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