My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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