He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
