it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
