apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize