Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I died a long time ago.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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