if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
