Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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