ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
