i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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