Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
