Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
