3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize