My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
